About a week after I returned from the “Journey of the Four Petaled Flower,” integration was in full bloom. I was exhausted. Not in my usual way of exhaustion, though, something different was happening. My emotions were overflowing. And my heart was definitely beating to a different drummer, so much so that my heath care goddesses sent me in for an EKG. More lab work later and we all decided I was in adrenal fatigue. Not radical, but as Susan said, “your adrenals are unstable.” She likened it to the foundation of a house. Unstable foundation means, well you can imagine, tenuous walls and roof. It could have been worse, and I’m grateful for that.

I stopped working and began a healing regime that includes supplements, rest, excellent food, acupuncture, walking, knitting, clay and friends.

Adrenals are our fight or flight glands, and when they’re overactive, they get tired. That, of course, affects the entire body, hence my heartbeat irregularities and physical and emotional fatigue.

Why did this happen? Some days I attribute it to the events of my entire life, where survival has been a foundational hallmark. Or I can hold this past year, stressful on many levels, accountable. It could be all about my second Saturn return, where traditionally we enter into a total re-evaluation of our lives. I have a number of events I can blame, and every one of them is accurate.

Today I choose to give the credit to the Four Petaled Flower (even though I do know it’s a combination of everything I mentioned above.) As I wrote in my last blog, on the journey to Teotihuacan in April, our task was “to reawaken the Four Petaled Flower, the symbol of the Unity of All Life and integrate it into Universal Consciousness.”

Every day during that journey we released heavy energy from our bodies and souls and took in refined energy, filling the spaces we had created. When we felt full, we released more heavy, and then received more refined. We did this daily, in ceremony, at sacred sites. Each day as we walked the path of our mission, we became more and more prepared, both on the personal and as a group, to awaken the internal and external flower. And on our final day, as we all sat on top of the Pyramid of the Sun in flower formation, we did just that.

Since I’ve been back, I find myself thinking about the symbol of the Four Petaled Flower. Staring at Emily’s beautiful framed rendition of it on my wall. Drawing it. Creating a clay vessel I just couldn’t figure out what to do with until I finally realized it wanted me to design a four petaled flower, and place it in the center.

Serana, my spiritual guide and teacher from Teotihuacan, comes to me every night and places me in either the original carved flower cave underneath the Pyramid of the Sun, or in what she calls the Temple of Awakening, where the flowers I posted last time live. She’s very specific about where she wants me to be – which area of the temple, which aspect of the cave. Then I fall asleep.

When we receive large quantities of refined energy, our entire soulscape changes. Much of this might go unnoticed, and we find ourselves in a new space, so to speak, with fresh and expansive ways of seeing and living. Yet oftentimes things arise that we have to look at and deal with. They were always there, but now their energetic frequencies are no longer compatible with our state of being. Those heavier energies, for some reason, have to sift through our physical, mental and emotional bodies to fully release. That’s when all kinds of physical and emotional symptoms might show up.

Too many of us participate in life altering experiences and then go back to work as usual, not even thinking about creating time to integrate what just happened.
Integration is core. It deserves respect, honoring and calls for quiet, “do nothing” time. Our conscious awareness must catch up to our new vision and perspective, and this newness needs the space to harmonize and solidify within our soul.

I’m a person who is known to honor integration time, yet I’ve been forced to realize how much more of it I need right now. My soul is in a huge process of being freed up and refined so I can consciously become and live as a Four Petaled Flower. It’s a big deal. Heavy energy in the forms of outdated core beliefs and deep emotions, all part of me for too long, are finding their way out. As the Four Petaled Flower of Wholeness settles in, each day I’m choosing to be patient and trust the process. After all, as the energies integrate into universal consciousness, I imagine they have to integrate within mine as well.

Friends, each one of us is a Four Petaled Flower, and I encourage you to recognize this. Emily suggests we draw the symbol in the center of our chests, at our heart/soul space, every morning with essential oils. It’s a beautiful reminder.

Let’s breathe out and release all heavy energies that are keeping us bound. And then breathe in the refined energy of lakes, mountains, flowers, birds, trees, rocks, the sun, moon………..

And allow time to INTEGRATE whatever may arise. Remember, it can take a while for our physical and emotional bodies to re-harmonize. Our health and happiness depends upon our commitment to ourselves, and integration is certainly a part of that commitment. We are all Four Petaled Flowers, Whole and Unified. Let’s care for ourselves.

This painting is by my multi-talented friend, Emily Grieves.