Spiritual Dilemma

Over the years I’ve been working as a healer, I’ve noticed a particular theme arise. I call it Spiritual Dilemma. Each person’s situation is unique, yet here are some generalities, as well as one specific story.

Most people who experience Spiritual Dilemma feel they’re in a body by mistake. They say they “didn’t sign up for this” and their life on Earth is a mistake. Part of their soul is in battle with, and resistance to, being Human. This experience and perspective affects their entire being; life becomes a struggle and the body, a prison. Suicide becomes an option, for they passionately want to “go home” and see no other way out. A few common characteristics for people in Spiritual Dilemma are: feeling victimized, depression, anger, spaciness, deep spiritual connection and energetic sensitivity.

I believe there are no accidents. Each of us, as Spirit, makes conscious decisions and choices regarding our incarnations. When we’re in the Spirit Realm phase of life, we always have the assistance of guides and teachers, yet because Spirit is ever-evolving consciousness, they’re able to serve us only to the extent we’re aware and open. Perspective varies in all realms and realities, not just this one. As individuated spiritual beings, a core part of our evolution is the expansion and awakening of perspective.

I first experienced Spiritual Dilemma in my early days as a healer when I was facilitating a healing ceremony for my friend, Elise. It became apparent that part of her soul wasn’t present, and this predicament was creating much of her suffering. I asked Elise if she was willing to come back to herself and into her body and was completely taken aback when she responded with a resounding “NO!!!!”

Because we were in ceremony, Elise was more in touch with her soul’s knowings than in her usual day-to-day consciousness. I questioned her, and watched and listened as she, full of fear and anger, spoke.….

“I don’t want to be on Earth. I never wanted to. I just want to be with my people. My people are not here, and I can’t be here. Even if I wanted to, I can’t. If I’m here, I’ll loose touch with all my people. Let me go back where I belong! I hate Earth; it’s too heavy and dense.”

Because I don’t believe anyone incarnates unwillingly, I knew Elise had chosen to be on Earth; no one made her come, as she was feeling. Somehow she had forgotten this. As the ceremony continued, I guided Elise deep within her soul, where she began to remember ……

It had been a long while since Elise, as Spirit, had chosen to incarnate on Earth. She’d spent most of her lifetimes upon other planets where she felt a sense of safety, energetic refinement and familiarity. As her memories unfolded, Elise was surprised to realize that she did make the decision to come to Earth; it wasn’t an accident at all. She had karma to resolve, as well as needed to experience some of the many opportunities for awakening the Earthly Realm provides.

When Elise, as Spirit, consciously left the Spirit Realm, she moved freely along the energetic currents of the Birth Gateway towards conception. As she began feeling the more dense energies of Earth, she froze. I watched as Elise re-experienced the original incapacitating fears that overcame her at that time. In that instant during the initial event, a core part of Elise’s soul made decisions about Human life and dissociated and detached.

Soul parts are multidimensional aspects of the soul. When we experience trauma, part of our soul splits off, goes to a place in the Spiritual Realms and becomes stuck in time. We emotionally survive the trauma, yet there’s a cost; aspects of our essential beingness and vitality are not with us in the present moment. Soul parts live a past experience as if it was the present, and because they’re part of us, no matter how old we might be, we’re affected by their state of being.

One of the goals for Humans is to be whole, with all fragmented parts of ourselves from past lifetimes and experiences joined together, like a fully completed jigsaw puzzle. In this way we’re able to live in the present while reaping the benefits of wisdom gained from past events, yet not be run by the past itself.

Elise had been living her entire life, thirty-three years, with part of her soul in the Birth Gateway, one that was fearful, angry, and resistant, and continuously demanding to “go back” to the Spirit Realm.

In daily life, Elise felt blessed by her strong spiritual connection. She experienced her guides around all the time and was comforted by this. With great passion and clarity, Elise told me if she allowed the part of her soul in the Birth Gateway to heal and return to her, she would loose contact with her guides, “her people,” and be alone in a foreign place. This was an either/or situation for her, and she didn’t know what to do.

Elise was not only stuck in the Birth Gateway, but attached to duality and separation as well.

Spiritual Dilemma is based in duality and separation, which makes it difficult for so many. We feel a need to make choices and don’t realize we can have it all, and everything that exists is within us. We are Divine. As Human Beings, we are Spirit within form, and the Universe wants us to be whole, present and fully alive.

Elise’s task was to choose to trust she could have it all. That by opening her heart, lovingly acknowledging her angry, resistant soul part and then bringing it back “home” into her soul where it belonged, she could be Human and have a relationship with her “people.” Both.

I assisted Elise as she courageously traveled deep within and arrived at a place of trust. Once there, she was able to open her heart, and from a place of self-love, consciously connect with her angry and resistant soul part. I witnessed her help that part of herself become aware of the situation and come to an understanding of the need for healing and resolution. I was moved to tears as Elise took her in and brought her “home.”

Elise had a powerful healing that day, one that took months to integrate. At first it was difficult. Because she was more fully in her body, she felt heavier and experienced new aches and pains. Elise communicated with her restored soul part daily. She lovingly assisted her in experiencing the joys of embodiment and the beauty of Earth by going on hikes, eating good food and spending time with friends. Elise also began tracking her anger and resentment. In this way she gained a better understanding of her overall life experiences and greater insight regarding the necessity of this Earthly incarnation.

As Elise became more grounded, she happily discovered that the relationships with her guides remained and actually improved. She also felt stronger and more energetic, for the heavy energy of anger, which had exhausted her for so many years, had been transmuted into refined energy and was now food for her body. Within a period of about six months, Elise experienced a sense of peace and purpose for the first time in her life.

Spiritual Dilemma is a real experience and rarely occurs without soul loss. Elise’s story is one example of the suffering it can cause and the healing that is always possible.