Over the years I’ve been working as a healer, I’ve noticed a particular theme arise. I call it Spiritual Dilemma. Each person’s situation is unique, yet there are some generalities.

Many people that experience Spiritual Dilemma feel they’re in a body by mistake. They say they “didn’t sign up for this.” Part of their soul is in battle with, and resistance to, being Human. This experience and perspective affects their entire Being. Life is a struggle and the body, a prison. Suicide becomes an option, for they passionately want to “go home” and see no other way out. A few common characteristics are: feeling victimized, depression, anger, spaciness, deep spiritual connection, and energetic sensitivity.

There are no accidents. Each of us, as Spirit, makes conscious decisions and choices regarding our incarnations. When we’re in the Spirit Realm phase of life, we have the assistance of guides and teachers, yet because Spirit is ever-evolving consciousness, they’re able to serve us only to the extent we’re aware and open. Perspective varies in all realms and realities, not just this one. As individuated spiritual beings, a core part of our evolution is the expansion and awakening of perspective.

I first experienced Spiritual Dilemma in my early days as a healer. I was facilitating a healing ceremony for my friend, Elise, and it became apparent part of her soul wasn’t present. This was a predicament and created suffering. When I asked Elise if she was willing to come back to herself and into her body, her response was a resounding “NO!!!!” I didn’t expect that.

“I don’t want to be on Earth. I never wanted to. I just want to be with my people. My people are not here, and I can’t be here. Even if I wanted to, I can’t. If I’m here, I’ll loose touch with everyone. Let me go back where I belong! I hate Earth; it’s too heavy and dense.”

No one incarnates unwillingly.  Elise chose to come to Earth, yet somehow she forgot. As the ceremony continued, and I guided her deep within her soul, she began to remember. Here is her story:

It had been a long while since Elise, as Spirit, incarnated in human form. She’d spent most of her lifetimes upon other planets where she felt a sense of safety, energetic refinement, and familiarity. She was surprised to remember that she did make the decision to come to Earth; it was not an accident, but a choice. She had karma to resolve, as well as needed to experience some of the many opportunities for awakening the Earthly Realm provides.

When Spirit Elise consciously left the Spirit Realm, she flowed freely through the energetic currents of the Birth Gateway towards conception. When she began to feel the dense energies of Earth, she froze. I watched Elise re-experience the original, incapacitating fears that overcame her at that time. In that instant, a core part of Elise’s soul made decisions about Human life and detached and dissociated.

Soul parts are multidimensional aspects of the soul. When we experience trauma, part of our soul splits off, goes to a place in the Spiritual Realms and becomes stuck in time. We emotionally survive the trauma, yet there’s a cost; aspects of our essential beingness and vitality are not with us in the present moment. Soul parts live a past experience as if it was the present, and because they’re part of us, no matter how old we might be, we’re affected by their states of being.

One of the goals for Humans is to be whole, with all fragmented parts of ourselves from past lifetimes and experiences joined together like a fully completed jigsaw puzzle. In this way we’re able to live in the present while reaping the benefits of wisdom gained from past events, yet not be run by the past itself.

Elise had been living her entire life, thirty-three years, with part of her soul in the Birth Gateway. A fearful, angry, resistant part who continuously demanded to “go back” to the Spirit Realm.

In daily life, Elise felt blessed by her strong spiritual connection. She experienced her guides around all the time and was comforted by this. With great passion and clarity, Elise told me if she allowed the part of her soul in the Birth Gateway to heal and return to her, she would loose contact with her guides, “her people,” and be alone in a foreign place. This was an either/or situation for her, and she didn’t know what to do.

Elise was not only stuck in the Birth Gateway, but attached to duality and separation as well.

Spiritual Dilemma is based in duality and separation. We feel a need to make choices and don’t realize we can have it all, and everything that exists is within us. We are Divine. As Human Beings, we are Spirit within form. The Universe wants us to be whole, present, and fully alive.

Elise’s task was to choose to trust she could have it all. That by opening her heart, lovingly acknowledging her angry, resistant soul part, and then bringing it “home,” she could be Human and have a relationship with her “people.”

I assisted her as she courageously traveled deep within and arrived at a place of trust. Once there, Elise opened her heart, and from a place of self-love, consciously connected with her soul part. She helped that part of herself become aware of the situation and come to an understanding of the need for healing and resolution. I was moved to tears when Elise took her in and brought her “home.”

Elise’s healing took months to integrate. At first it was difficult. More fully in her body, she felt heavier and experienced new aches and pains. Elise communicated with her restored soul part daily. She assisted her in experiencing the joys of embodiment and the beauty of Earth. She went on hikes, ate good food, and spent time with friends. Elise also began tracking her anger and resentment. In this way she was able to better understand her overall life experiences and gain greater insights regarding this Earthly incarnation.

As Elise became more grounded, she happily discovered that the relationships with her guides remained and actually improved. She felt stronger and more energetic, for the heavy energy of anger that had exhausted her for so many years had been transmuted into refined energy, food for her body. After about six months, Elise experienced a sense of peace and purpose for the first time in her life.

Spiritual Dilemma is a real experience and rarely occurs without soul loss. Elise’s story is one example of the suffering it can cause and the healing that is always possible.