Friends,
My evacuation lifted on Saturday, so Apu and I left Weed and drove to Paradise and Pachamama’s Oasis. He stayed in the car while I walked my 2/3 acre. Around and around, many times. I must have been there a few hours, walking and taking pictures. Arty devastation pics. Some of you might have seen a few on facebook. I think I was pretty dissociated.
On Sunday, Kathy, Krissy, Scott, Michele, and I went up. In the rain, we donned our hazmat suits and excavated. For hours. Another day of dissociation. There are no words to describe the insanity of looking for remnants of objects from a Life. It almost doesn’t matter. The statues were there, waiting for new homes, yet the biggest find was when Michele found my khuya stones. From the fire to the rain, they had physically changed. But not their power. I’m sure that has grown. 
Monday I went up by myself. I needed one more experience/reality-check/time to breathe Her in, profess my love……….. Believe it really happened. I said good-by until January when I’ll be back in Chico for the community healing ceremony. I will visit again.
Before I left, I drove over to the house I had lived in for five years – Gratitude Sanctuary. There, on that street and the ones around it, I felt the Spirit of the Fire. Hungry, he had devoured and devoured. Overate, in my opinion. And if a house wasn’t tasty enough, he overlooked it.
Mother Earth/Pachamama, in concert with the Spirit of Fire, reclaimed most of Paradise.
Minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. Then maybe week by week. Debris removal. Insurance claims. Healings. Financial aid. Facebook groups. Town meetings. Someday our lives, 50,000 plus of us, will shift into something else. Wonder what we’ll be doing?? Where we’ll be living. And what our perspectives will be.
Huge Gratitude to each of you, Annie
Annie, thanks for sharing. You have been in my heart lately. Looking forward to visiting with you and Liz this winter when you feel up to it. Love Kim Zwemer Margulis
Good to hear you Annie. Can’t imagine. Love you got your stones back, I remember them and am grateful for them. Love you Annie
Thank you for allowing us to share a bit of your process. I cannot imagine how reeling this must be for you, and all of Paradise. My face is wet with gratitude in seeing that you and your khuya stones are reunited. Loving you, loving you, loving you,
Annie, so much to be said here and really I am sending you a hug warm hug. I love you and I love the truth and integrity to which is your response in such times of loss and….growth.
XO
Amina
The khuya stones!!!! Beautiful.
Annie Fuller, thanks so much for the post. Really thank you! Keep writing.
How lovely that Guadalupe still stands . . .
Thinking of you with blessings of love,
Marianne and Louis
Dearest Annie – we saw your interview on “Vice”. We were heartbroken. I, too, have dissociated from the trauma. Working to build a nest to heal, reconnect the pieces of me, and seek God’s direction for this ‘new’ life. So glad we’re close by and hope we can join together soon. Until then, I think of you daily and pray for your healing. Love and hugs and prayers, Jillian