Camp Fire survivors have been likened to the Phoenix, the mystical bird that dies by fire, becomes ash, and then at some point rises up and flies again. This is a classic template of rebirth. In the last issue of The Lotus Guide I wrote about what happens to the Phoenix when it’s in the ashes and how this affects us. I called the process Dismemberment.

Dismemberment takes place on a deep soul level. All that was known is broken apart, and we must come back together for rebirth to occur. Re-memberment is the process that makes us whole enough to rise.

After the fire I thought, “If I can just get back to the emotional state I was in before…..” I was feeling great. Seeing clients. Doing chi gong every day in my healing studio. Excited for winter to come when I planned on nesting and finally finishing my book. But one day I realized there was no going back. Only forward. I had changed.

As Phoenix still covered with ash, we’re each in the midst of mysterious transformation and metamorphosis.

Every survivor went through massive Trauma. Individually as well as collectively. From a shamanic perspective, Trauma creates soul loss. Here’s the good news: One of the functions of the human soul is to serve as a nurturing mother. When we experience Trauma, part or parts detach and go to a place in the spiritual realm. This allows us to survive in this earthly realm. We fled burning houses. Drove down fiery streets. Saved frightened children. Lost loved ones. Endured. Persevered. Soul loss occurs in all traumatic events. (Think about your life as a whole.) Soul, as nurturing mother, keeps us from going insane.

The bad news is: Do we ever really recover from Trauma? Our soul parts are part of us. We’re affected by their state of being. No matter how much time elapses, we end up living in two realities. The reality of the Now, as we try moving forward in our lives, and the reality of the Past, where our soul part(s) still exist. They’re living in the Trauma and dissociation of the relentless and ferocious Camp Fire. It’s one year later. Intellectually we know the fire is out, yet we’re still struggling to feel safe and present.

Are you afraid? Angry? Spaced out? Ungrounded? Overcome with emotion? Are you unable to sleep? Having nightmares? Has your confidence waned? Do you feel like something is missing? Are you easily triggered? Unable to find yourself? This is soul loss, or what is psychologically called post traumatic stress disorder.

Our task is to heal. Come into present time. It’s our only way out of the ashes. How does one accomplish what feels like such a daunting undertaking? I’ve chosen soul retrieval, an ancient shamanic tradition that involves finding, healing and then restoring lost soul parts. Many find success with EMDR: Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. Traditional talk therapy can be helpful, yet does not necessarily heal and bring back the suffering parts. They need to know the Trauma is over, and it’s safe to come home to the soul where they belong.

Many years ago a teacher told me, “The past is over, throw it away.” I got so angry. But over time I’ve been able to see the wisdom within what I initially experienced as a rude statement. We cannot go back. Maybe that’s actually the first step of healing – accepting that the fire happened. Everything is different now. Nothing will be the same.

Still in the ashes myself, I’ve been noticing that the filters/lenses I viewed Life through, (we all have them) are gone. Burned away. I’m seeing everything from completely different perspectives. This is empowering, yet has not been without difficulties. I had become accustomed to my self-created lenses born of childhood wounds and life experiences. Now I get to see what has always been there, things I formerly hid from myself. Take responsibility for my part. Make new choices. While this has been both awakening and humbling, I’ve also experienced an expansion of my compassion and heart. I like that. I suppose these are pearls from the fire.

We are all being Re-membered. Slowly coming back together and adjusting to our new lives. I don’t think one day we’ll wake up and magically rise and fly out of the ashes like the Phoenix. It seems to be a more gradual process for us mere mortals. Little by little, day by day, we find ourselves. Laugh louder. Feel more whole. Perhaps notice the manifestation of a pearl or two. (I am voraciously writing my book!) I imagine some time, perhaps in a mystical moment – or more likely while I’m washing dishes, I’ll realize I’ve risen. Here I am!!!! Not the same as before, because we know the past is over, yet hopefully a more refined, loving, and present version of myself. These and limitless more opportunities are awaiting every survivor. Afterall, We Are Phoenix.

You can also read this in the latest issue of the Lotus Guide Magazine.