I recently lost a dear friend who had also been my partner in Healing Quest. This post is for you, Chris.

It all began in September 1999. I was a newcomer to Ashland, Oregon when one day while I was walking my dogs off leash down a hill, they spontaneously unified and ran through the open door of someone’s house. Yikes! When one of the occupants came outside to see what was up, instead of being angry, he looked at me, then at the dogs, who had followed him, then at me again, and burst out laughing. That was Chris. A few minutes later, his wife Nikki, showed up on her bicycle. So, thanks to Spirit and Amigo, I met the beautiful couple who befriended me and the man who supported me and countless others at Healing Quest.

Healing Quest was born in the summer of 2000 and evolved into a living force that physically manifested during 15 August full moons. That’s when groups of up to 20 people gathered for a week on pristine property belonging to Chris and his family, land that had been identified as sacred, indigenous vision quest land by Agnes Baker Pilgrim, one of the 13 Original Grandmothers. And while some were called to be mountain questers and others, camp questers, everyone lived the theme of Unity.

Supported by abundant natural resources, each “season” we created a village that included a sweat lodge, tepee, kitchen, shower (with hot and cold running water!) and healing clinic. Everyone participated in hauling in and organizing food, water, cook stoves, kitchen accoutrements, camping equipment, and the 22’ tepee.

The template of Healing Quest was shamanic rebirth, a ceremony that offers each participant the opportunity to “die” without releasing their physical form, and then “reincarnate” into a new life. This means emotionally exploring the landscape of one’s Individual Soul and finding and healing the layers where unhealthy childhood wounds had been planted, grown, and rooted. We did it for Ourselves, and we did it for the All, for each person’s accomplishment affected the entirety of the Collective Human Soul.

A few weeks before each Quest, Chris and I would sit together, open a ceremony, and receive teachings and guidance from our mystical, spiritual Council. This shared experience and perspective became our conscious foundation for that summer’s goals, which included the focus of the sweat lodge, a native American healing tradition that Chris lovingly led for every group on our first day. He and I both knew that while we were the instruments of Healing Quest, the spirits were the conductors.

Although I was the “official” leader and intercessor, Chris and I acted as partners—the Feminine and Masculine as One. Every morning I’d hear, “Annie, are you up yet?” (He was always awake much earlier than I was) and I’d often reply, “Just give me a minute.” Which he did. Then he’d join me at my campsite where we’d sit across from one another in our low-to-the-Earth camp chairs, drink coffee, and take turns doing this exercise:

Is there anything keeping you from loving yourself today?

Can you forgive yourself?

Can you have compassion for yourself?

Sometimes this took a while, depending upon what had occurred the day and night before, and other times we breezed through it. Our intention was to be as pure as possible both within ourselves and with one another so we could be a solid force for the group. Chris’s commitment to speak the Truth through his tender heart and share any mistakes he thought he’d made, or limited perceptions he’d awakened to, helped me do the same, and this fierce honesty fortified every Healing Quest. I’m grateful he had the confidence to disagree with me and lovingly facilitate my reconsiderations. At every Quest there was a time when Chris was unable to understand my vision, yet wholeheartedly supported me anyway. I could count on him to have my back and help me hold the space for the group. His confidence in my knowings emanated from his soul and created an alchemy between us that benefited everyone.

Chris and I were tested often, something we’d eventually laugh about: The kitchen drama that made organic food a requirement. People leaving camp in the middle of the night without a note. Anger. Someone exiting the sweat lodge and wandering away in the dark. Family dynamics. A heavy energy release so dramatic that while I was discerning whether it was a psychotic break (it wasn’t), at the same time Chris was steadfastly leading the sweat lodge. Mountain Questers coming down the hill before completing their three days. Fierce commitment to festering, emotional wounds. ET sightings. Bears. Spider bite hallucinations. Detoxing. Emotional purging. One group labeled their Quest the “Heavy Energy Quest” and another labeled theirs, the “Quest of Love.” Then there was the time someone threatened suicide. (We resolved it.) Throughout it all, Chris and I held a unified, grounded space, and as we humans found our way through each challenging opportunity, we knew the mystical beings were taking good care of everyone.

Healing Quest taught that Unity exists always, even amidst experiences of disunity. One participant shared, “I’ve never learned so much about love, community, family, and friendship as I did from Quest. It filled my soul expansively and opened my life up to healing, empathy, and love. I feel so complete!” The wondrous, uncomfortable, miraculous, and sometimes even a little too intense for me experiences of Quest have healed and shaped many lives, mine included, and I believe none of it would have happened in such a solid, balanced way without Chris.

During one of the final Quests, Chris integrated his leadership role with a participant role, something he and I didn’t often do. He chose to leave behind “the life of lack of integrity” and be reborn into “the life of Truth and Freedom” – a life he fiercely lived to its unexpected end.

Someone said, “Healing Quest saves lives.” Well, Balanced Warrior aka Man of Strength aka Chris, you helped save those lives. I see you sitting at the table with our spiritual Council and reading this from your unified, spirit realm perspective. Your larger-than-life smile fills your face, and the Light of Love radiates from the depth of your eyes as you remember each moment of all 15 Quests. The delectable, fantastic food. Entertaining dogs. Chocolate. Late night coffee. Big ceremony in the tepee. Tears. Daily walks to the blue room. Intense multi-dimensional realities. Profound conversations. And most of all, the unlimited, flowing love and contagious laughter that resounded so far out in the distance that the mountain questers could feel and hear it at their sites.

        Thank you, Chris, for being my friend, for spreading your ever-flowing Light,

And walking the path of Healing Quest with me.

I love you. Rays of Light.