Fullcircle Spiritual Healing

Honoring Chris

I recently lost a dear friend who had also been my partner in Healing Quest. This post is for you, Chris.

It all began in September 1999. I was a newcomer to Ashland, Oregon when one day while I was walking my dogs off leash down a hill, they spontaneously unified and ran through the open door of someone's house. Yikes! When one of the occupants came outside to see what was up, instead of being angry, he looked at me, then at the dogs, who had followed him, then at me again, and burst out laughing. That was Chris. A few minutes later, his wife Nikki, showed up on her bicycle. So, thanks to Spirit and Amigo, I met the beautiful couple who befriended me and the man who supported me and countless others at Healing Quest.

Healing Quest was born in the summer of 2000 and evolved into a living force that physically manifested during 15 August full moons. That’s when groups of up to 20 people gathered for a week on pristine property belonging to Chris and his family, land that had been identified as sacred, indigenous vision quest land by Agnes Baker Pilgrim, one of the 13 Original Grandmothers. And while some were called to be mountain questers and others, camp questers, everyone lived the theme of Unity.

Supported by abundant natural resources, each “season” we created a village that included a sweat lodge, tepee, kitchen, shower (with hot and cold running water!) and healing clinic. Everyone participated in hauling in and organizing food, water, cook stoves, kitchen accoutrements, camping equipment, and the 22’ tepee.

The template of Healing Quest was shamanic rebirth, a ceremony that offers each participant the opportunity to “die” without releasing their physical form, and then “reincarnate” into a new life. This means emotionally exploring the landscape of one’s Individual Soul and finding and healing the layers where unhealthy childhood wounds had been planted, grown, and rooted. We did it for Ourselves, and we did it for the All, for each person's accomplishment affected the entirety of the Collective Human Soul.

A few weeks before each Quest, Chris and I would sit together, open a ceremony, and receive teachings and guidance from our mystical, spiritual Council. This shared experience and perspective became our conscious foundation for that summer’s goals, which included the focus of the sweat lodge, a native American healing tradition that Chris lovingly led for every group on our first day. He and I both knew that while we were the instruments of Healing Quest, the spirits were the conductors.

Although I was the "official" leader and intercessor, Chris and I acted as partners—the Feminine and Masculine as One. Every morning I'd hear, "Annie, are you up yet?" (He was always awake much earlier than I was) and I'd often reply, "Just give me a minute." Which he did. Then he'd join me at my campsite where we'd sit across from one another in our low-to-the-Earth camp chairs, drink coffee, and take turns doing this exercise:

Is there anything keeping you from loving yourself today?

Can you forgive yourself?

Can you have compassion for yourself?

Sometimes this took a while, depending upon what had occurred the day and night before, and other times we breezed through it. Our intention was to be as pure as possible both within ourselves and with one another so we could be a solid force for the group. Chris’s commitment to speak the Truth through his tender heart and share any mistakes he thought he'd made, or limited perceptions he'd awakened to, helped me do the same, and this fierce honesty fortified every Healing Quest. I’m grateful he had the confidence to disagree with me and lovingly facilitate my reconsiderations. At every Quest there was a time when Chris was unable to understand my vision, yet wholeheartedly supported me anyway. I could count on him to have my back and help me hold the space for the group. His confidence in my knowings emanated from his soul and created an alchemy between us that benefited everyone.

Chris and I were tested often, something we’d eventually laugh about: The kitchen drama that made organic food a requirement. People leaving camp in the middle of the night without a note. Anger. Someone exiting the sweat lodge and wandering away in the dark. Family dynamics. A heavy energy release so dramatic that while I was discerning whether it was a psychotic break (it wasn’t), at the same time Chris was steadfastly leading the sweat lodge. Mountain Questers coming down the hill before completing their three days. Fierce commitment to festering, emotional wounds. ET sightings. Bears. Spider bite hallucinations. Detoxing. Emotional purging. One group labeled their Quest the “Heavy Energy Quest” and another labeled theirs, the “Quest of Love.” Then there was the time someone threatened suicide. (We resolved it.) Throughout it all, Chris and I held a unified, grounded space, and as we humans found our way through each challenging opportunity, we knew the mystical beings were taking good care of everyone.

Healing Quest taught that Unity exists always, even amidst experiences of disunity. One participant shared, “I've never learned so much about love, community, family, and friendship as I did from Quest. It filled my soul expansively and opened my life up to healing, empathy, and love. I feel so complete!” The wondrous, uncomfortable, miraculous, and sometimes even a little too intense for me experiences of Quest have healed and shaped many lives, mine included, and I believe none of it would have happened in such a solid, balanced way without Chris.

During one of the final Quests, Chris integrated his leadership role with a participant role, something he and I didn’t often do. He chose to leave behind “the life of lack of integrity” and be reborn into “the life of Truth and Freedom” - a life he fiercely lived to its unexpected end.

Someone said, “Healing Quest saves lives.” Well, Balanced Warrior aka Man of Strength aka Chris, you helped save those lives. I see you sitting at the table with our spiritual Council and reading this from your unified, spirit realm perspective. Your larger-than-life smile fills your face, and the Light of Love radiates from the depth of your eyes as you remember each moment of all 15 Quests. The delectable, fantastic food. Entertaining dogs. Chocolate. Late night coffee. Big ceremony in the tepee. Tears. Daily walks to the blue room. Intense multi-dimensional realities. Profound conversations. And most of all, the unlimited, flowing love and contagious laughter that resounded so far out in the distance that the mountain questers could feel and hear it at their sites.

        Thank you, Chris, for being my friend, for spreading your ever-flowing Light,

And walking the path of Healing Quest with me.

I love you. 

15 comments

  1. Sharon Wilson
    November 1, 2021 at 8:48 pm

    What beautiful stories of friendship love.????
    This saddens my heart, I’m lighting a Mother Mary candle for his gentleness in journey.????
    Praying for All who loved him, Nikki and family…Blessing your tender heart Annie in your deep connection with Chris.
    Much Love,
    Sharon

  2. Kathi Bowen-Jones
    November 1, 2021 at 8:52 pm

    Annie, Oh these beautiful words. Although we did not ever have the opportunity to be part of healing Quest the beautiful journey you led us in Peru is forever with me and David and Justine. We there experienced the sacred support you and Chris gave each other as you led our Southern Oregon group to the most sacred of places. Thank you Chris and Annie for mentoring us to journey. We are so sorry for the loss of Chris. We are so grateful for the life he lived.
    Love and deep penetrating gratitude, Kathi and David

  3. Rich
    November 1, 2021 at 9:00 pm

    To my only true brother in this life, thank you for all you brought to me and I will always be with you. I love you.

  4. Sue
    November 1, 2021 at 9:41 pm

    Beautiful words expressing Big Love, big loss. Wrapping Light & Love around you and all those grieving your special friend, Chris.

  5. Tami
    November 1, 2021 at 9:53 pm

    Thank you for such a lovely tribute, Annie. I was not aware of Chris’s passing and I will never forget what a loving and passionate leader he was at Healing Quest and the amazing space he was able to provide. He was a truly a blessing to all who were blessed to know him.

  6. Snow
    November 1, 2021 at 10:58 pm

    Many thanks for sharing this detailed story. Having known Chris mostly from the “outside,” it’s lovely to have a glimpse of the “inside.” Now I understand a little better what was behind his epic smile.
    Comfort and hugs to all who are grieving him,
    Love,
    Snow

  7. Ann Barton
    November 2, 2021 at 1:13 am

    Thank you Annie for this beautiful and loving tribute for such a kind and powerful man. Chris was an important mentor at quest for me. The masculine side as you said. He was a solid grounded presence as well as sensitive and caring. And you two held us “questers” with such wisdom and love. Those quests were so powerful for me. And for John as well. I imagine John will be happy to see Chris in the spirit world.
    Love to you and to Niki and his family. ????

  8. Paula Edgar
    November 2, 2021 at 1:21 am

    Annita, this is a beautiful tribute and expression of the depth of Chris’ soul, the beauty of the man and the dance between you both. I am so sorry for this tremendous loss for you and others who knew and loved Chris. I am grateful for his life, that I experienced his kindness, humor and strength at Quest, and for his new found light and freedom. Much love and peace to you, to Chris, and to all of his loved ones.

  9. Pat
    November 2, 2021 at 3:43 am

    On this day to honor ALL of our “lost” ones, Dia de los Muertos, thank you for this experience of feeling the love and bond you have had with Chris. How beautiful your words are, and such a comfort to all of his loved ones who share them. For you, Annie-may beautiful memories of Chris bless you always. Sending you loads of love.

  10. Maraya Brown
    November 2, 2021 at 4:50 am

    Thank you for sharing your love. Chris touched my heart in a profound way. I will love him forever.

  11. Alice
    November 2, 2021 at 6:08 pm

    Such a lovely piece, Annie. Thank you so much for sharing the blessings of his memory.

  12. Elaine
    November 3, 2021 at 2:28 pm

    Thank you Annie for such a beautiful tribute to Chris. So sad to hear of his passing. Holding Nikki and his daughters in my heart as he ventures on his next journey expanding into the light that he trailblazed while being here…

  13. TL Lipner
    November 4, 2021 at 9:11 pm

    Oh dearest Annie. This is a profound loss for you. I am so sorry. How electric that you and Chris found each other and facilitated healing for yourselves and for outwards to others. I didn’t know Chris, but I sure do feel like I know Chris now. Your stories bring me there, and you and his other beloveds will keep his essence alive and well tended. May his memory be a blessing. I love you.

  14. Sharon Cardenas
    November 4, 2021 at 11:16 pm

    I sense Chris still has your back when you need it. I love and will share his intention to live a life of Truth and Freedom. The challenge is on. Blessings and Hugs to you, Annie and prayers to his family and friends.

  15. Brenda Savin
    November 10, 2021 at 5:08 am

    Oh my Annie, what a wonderful tribute. Thank you.
    Since learning of his passing I have been flooded with so many of those Quest Memories. Hours in Communion with the Spirit of Quest, Chris always there, his laughter, Wisdom and many Stories!!

    The loss is profound. Many Blessings to you and in the Cotton Clan.

    Aho Mitakuye Oyasin

    Sacred Mountain

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This gorgeous book is a gift to the world from someone who walks the path of the wounded healer. As a friend of the author, I watched this book get birthed, though it’s gestation was many many years in the making, and included painful and difficult experiences, unique encounters and adventures, and a deep opening and surrendering to the mystical realities of who we humans really are–spirits having an earthly experience. This birthed gift comes from the very depths and soul of a woman who has not shied away from facing head on her own pain and wounding and seeking out her own healing. As a healer, one of Annie’s gifts lies in her willingness to lovingly walk side by side with anyone willing to face their own traumas and wounding. Annie’s essence permeates the pages of this beautiful book, as does the essence of her artist friend Emily Grieves, whose stunning artwork weaves its own lyrical spell. This book will move you, and in all the right ways.

I felt the power of this beautiful book by just holding it in my hands. I was touched deeply by simply thumbing through the pages, the art was moving, and the titles of the chapters hooked me. Then I read it. The wisdom in this book will shift perspectives and guide many people down a path of healing. A must read for anyone who is ready to take the next step into self-discovery.

Just holding this book, experiencing the art, reading reviews and “The Letter to You” opens me to the clear intention it was written. I then read the Afterward, Gratitude and A few Inspirations and have decided to start a mini-book-reading with my neighbor to help open myself to receive this beautiful message. Thank you Annie for the birthing of “Unity Begins Within” to assist me and others on this powerful journey.

An incredible book on spiritual healing and returning to Oneness. Annie takes us on a journey through the experience of beauty and initiation in the Four-Petaled Flower, through the flowering medicine wheel and into the Unity that exists in the center of each of us and all life. If you are going through a time of spiritual transition of growth and rebirth, and/or work with clients who do, this offering provides incredible guidance and wisdom on understanding the multilayered experience of healing that leads us to Unity.

Annie, you continue to inspire me. Our healing sessions together, and through the pages of your book, I continue to be in awe of your strength and will to heal. Soulfully written, gave me chills and the feeling that spirit is deeply ingrained in the pages of your book. Eternally grateful to have been able to experience the teachings during one of the most trialing healing moments of my life.

I read this book over the course of one week, and it was a wonderful journey from start to finish. The author embeds tales of her personal evolution as a healer within a ceremonial journey of discovering and celebrating the four-petaled flower that the reader is invited on…from the opening to the closing of the ceremony, I felt the healing power contained within the words, images, prayers, and practices. This is an incredibly moving, experiential book that will become a beloved, trusted companion to everyone on a spiritual path, whether you’re just now beginning, or have spent decades walking.

I took this book on vacation and it turned into the guidebook for my own personal spiritual retreat! Annie is obviously a talent healer. Reading the stories of some of her many clients was very inspiring. I have bookmarked many of the pages that have exercises that can be repeated. The “questions for reflection” were excellent prompts for journaling! Highly recommend this book!

Annie gives us the opportunity to view each of the four petals with a purpose of expanding our own wisdom and light through the process of soul retrieval. All of our experiences being a bridge to being of higher service on our path if we are able to make the challenging journey; unity being the goal. The unifying prayer she shares with us, “The Light of Love is All” places us gently on our path. An amazing book!

This book is a transmission of wisdom to us by an author who has walked her talk. Annie is a powerful and true healer and she is sharing the how of that with us here. From her wisdom stream and those of her teachers she unpacks our inner world and our relationship with the spirit world in ways we can understand and then gives us practical tools to apply this understanding to our own lives. This book is one of those rare books you can open any time when you need support and you will find it here. This book is a love letter from the author to us at a time when we need it.

This is the spiritual book we all need for these new times. Annie Fuller’s spiritual teachings come from a lifetime of experience, both as the healer and the healed. The personal stories (both hers and others’) are captivating and so relatable. The artwork is inspiring. And the opportunities to put the healing methods into practice are priceless. I wish this book had been on the shelves for me 35 years ago. But I am happy to have it now. There is a depth and heart in this book that I have not found elsewhere. I will be buying more copies for friends and family. Everyone is getting it for their birthdays and Christmas this year.

UNITY BEGINS WITHIN is a beautifully written exploration of one woman’s journey into the memory, trust and knowing of Self. Annie Fuller weaves seemingly separate puzzle pieces of humanity together in a comprehensive way that is not only easy to understand but to inner-stand. The experience felt while reading this book is one of being immersed in Sacred Circle, sage burning, drum rhythmically beating while our guides and guardians surround us. Questions asked. Questions answered. A conscious merging of the human self with spiritual essence. An awakening to the heart and soul felt realization that Unity truly DOES begin within. This book is a divinely guided adventure and welcoming home to the Self.

I have had the joy of learning from Annie over many years, being in her healing room, at her altar and several of her workshops. This book is another potent transmission of her deep wisdom and gifts. She invites you into the ceremony of the four petaled flower through her writing, and if you allow yourself to receive this transmission, it can alter your experience of life. I would suggest this book to anyone who is ready to receive the gifts of the four petal flower, and the indigenous wisdom this book has to offer. The exercises at the end of each chapter allows you to dig deep, have your own experience, your own personal journey!

This book is a rare gem, in that the author has crafted it in such a way that complex concepts are made easy to understand and utilize in the reader’s lives. Annie Fuller combines Shamanic wisdom, life experience, healing practices, and practical know- how seamlessly, and the book is beautiful as well. I knew I was going to enjoy this book when I bought it but it has exceeded my expectations and has become a powerful source for healing and reflection.

Our ancestors and ancient teachers continue to teach us, if we listen. What a joy to read a book written by a masterful listener and keen observer. Annie Fuller is no armchair shaman. Annie Fuller put in the thousands of hours of study and practice in order to teach and serve. This book is a powerful, powerful synthesis of a lifetime of gathering wisdom, failure, joy, trauma, healing, tragedy and rapture. I am honored to have birthed my first born child with Annie Fuller as midwife. She is one of those rare humans who can hold death and birth in her hands, all the while teaching us with her presence. This book will give the reader sweet impetus to expand in consciousness and flex in vulnerability.

Within the pages of this exquisite tome penned by a venerable elder lies a treasure trove of wisdom waiting to be unearthed. Each word, carefully crafted, resonates with the depth of a lifetime’s worth of experiences and insights. From the first page to the last, readers are invited on a journey of self-discovery and transformation, guided by the gentle yet profound teachings of a master storyteller. This book is not merely a collection of words; it is a beacon of light illuminating the path toward greater understanding, compassion, and inner peace. Through its pages, readers will find themselves inspired to embark on their own journey of deep excavation, unlocking the hidden truths that lie within. A truly exceptional read that will linger in my heart and mind for years to come.

Yes, a lifeline to knowledge that I can understand. I have read and owned many like subject books, this Unity Begins Within hit my Spiritual healing button. I would recommend this book highly. This does follow Annie Fuller’s journey and how we can open up ourselves. My book is totally highlighted, pages tagged, etc. Thank you Annie Fuller for your book and sharing so much, I’m sure a lot of people can relate.

Many tears were shed while reading Unity Begins Within. Overall, my tears said this: “we, collectively, are so blessed to receive Annie Fuller’s words.” Knowing Annie in real life, my spiritual landscape has been greatly enhanced by her presence and leadership in Shamanic Journeying Workshops. Now we have a chance to read the evolution and deep knowing she has gained with her extraordinary openness and intuition as she practiced with her powerful teachers. She takes us on her physical journeys to mystical points south as well as introduces us to her spiritual worlds. This book is for anyone- as it is the balm of unity we need in these divisive times, but especially poignant, I would imagine, for those who have suffered personal trauma. Annie’s transformation from abused/confused child to gifted Shaman is one worthy of a deep bow of respect.The detail of Annie’s journey is a must-have for anyone interested in Native American Spirituality, Shamanism or, Physical and Spiritual Healing or Channeling Work. My hope and prayer is that many people will receive this message of love and unity.

What an extraordinary book, beautifully capturing a healer’s transformative journey toward true inner knowing and helping others discover that profound insight within themselves! I feel immensely grateful to have stumbled upon this gem, and I am eagerly looking forward to internalizing its wisdom and practicing to cultivate my own intuition and inner knowing. Thank you so much, Annie!

AMAZING!!! Thank you, Annie, for taking the time to share this with the world and thank you to all your guides and teachers and friends and those you have encountered along your journey that helped you to create and share this beautiful, creatively put together, life story! And with much more to come! My gosh! Beautifully written! I resonated with this journey from beginning to end! This helped me to understand more than I could’ve imagined!

What an absolutely amazing offering by Annie Fuller! This is a masterful creation that offers so much healing to the world! Annie beautifully and poignantly weaves personal story with tangible lessons in spiritual healing. This is a must-read for all who are seekers of deeper understanding on their healing path, whether in service to your own heart or to others. As Annie writes, we all walk the two-footed path – sometimes the lessons are to help others, and sometimes the lessons are so we may tend to our own souls. Here in these pages you will find a balm for your soul no matter what!

Unity Begins Within is a book with essential messages for all healers and those on the path of seeking wholeness. I was very blessed to have been in Annie’s first hands-on healing series. She was always a gifted teacher/healer and now author. This book is a source of lessons, wisdom and merging our human self with our spiritual essence. Annie’s stories and teachings come from her innate understanding of the spiritual universe we all come from and connect with. Emily’s artwork is awe-inspiring and beautiful. I recommend this book for all healers, teachers and everyone seeking wholeness.

Unity Begins Within is stunning in its purity and transparency. Annie Fuller is a gifted writer – articulate, straight, full of warmth and spirit. She has the rare ability to be deeply personal while making every word count.One of the reasons this book is so  profoundly well written is that Annie lives Unity. She is the very essence of generosity of spirit. Her writing and teachings come from a depth of experience, understanding and knowledge that shines with truth, courage and love. She brings a depth and intention to her teaching and writing that is rare, precious, priceless.

Endless praise and appreciation for this remarkable book! Its pages contain the very essence of the Four Petaled Flower and transmits Spiritual Unity to readers through compelling allegory, beautiful art, effective practices, and the loving intention of its author, Annie Fuller. The power of this book has infused my soul with an unanticipated sense of wholeness. Every word of this book is a Spiritual Healing. Stunning.

Annie’s book is wonderful. Clear, direct, candid in sharing her personal story. Deep in understanding and transmitting the nature of healing. most important, leads the reader through practices should they choose to do them. I have many spiritual books and books transmitting healing traditions. This one is valuable. For anyone genuinely looking to heal, become centered and grounded in personal power.

This book is such a jewel – A treasure chest of wisdom, stories and tools for sharing in the wondrous path that Annie has walked, and that will ultimately enhance anyone’s life who reads it.The writing is pure, clear and full of depth of spirit and emotion. Annie makes the incredible knowledge she has amassed so accessible. I am so grateful to have this beautiful work in my possession.

Unity Begins Within: Spiritual Healing Meets the Four-Petaled Flower is a beautifully written and illustrated book that weaves together stories of awakening, spiritual pilgrimage, vulnerability, and healing. I was deeply moved as I read it. The medicine of the Four- Petaled Flower, introduced by the author, guides the reader on a path of exploration and experiences that I found Transformational. Reading this book was a life shifting experience, and I know I will continue to refer to it in the days and years to come.

Annie Fuller, Shaman, Healer, Teacher, Author, brings all of her talents together in this beautiful book of Unity. The profound art of Emily K. Grieves is a perfect partner in bringing forth the message of “Unity Begins Within.” This is a book you will want to display and look through often, for both its spiritual messages and extraordinary works of art. As the title tells us, this is a book of spiritual healing through recognizing that we are all united as one being, and we will wake up from our collective amnesia when we understand that the unity we seek begins within each of us. Annie uses the image of the four-petaled flower as a compass for the four directions. Each direction gives us a template for finding power within ourselves; and, thus the healing process begins.

I needed to change my life 9 years ago. I found my way to Healing Quest with Annie Fuller: a 10 day vision quest. My life completely changed after that. Now her wisdom gathered from a lifetime is distilled into this fantastic book. Make no mistake. Your life WILL change into your next vision as Annie unfolds loving methods and magical ways to find unity within!

In this book of unity; the offerings, teachings, and practices are all woven through and around Annie’s amazing personal stories. This entertaining flow makes it hard to put down. Not to mention the gorgeous, sacred artwork, cohesively uniting the words with images in a soulful and visceral way. A book for the nightstand for sure! Or the coffee table! Annie is not only a gifted and generous writer, she’s also a phenomenal teacher with amazing healing gifts for the soul. I had the privilege of taking a class with her as well as receiving a soul healing through her. I love having this book within my reach now. A piece of Annie’s heart is held within each page. Always there when I need the deepest wisdom from the wisest friend! I know you will love this book and cherish it forever!

I came to know Annie when I was searching online for a Shamanic healer in my area. Little did I know that I was about to receive one of the biggest blessings of my life. Myself and my family have since referred to Annie and have undergone healing sessions by her. I have also read her amazing book which, at the time, I wished would never finish. Annie is a healer like no other on this planet and her sessions have been life changing for me. Her book describes her own healing journey as well as her insight about soul and how our lives can be affected by past traumas. Reading this book took me on a journey where I actually felt present through all the healing adventures Annie went through. This is a book that if you start reading you don’t want it to finish as there is so much wisdom present in this book. I hope to read more books from Annie in the future. She is a wise woman with an old, experienced soul. It was a great privilege to have been able to receive actual healings from her. Myself & my family can never thank her enough. Thank you for existing in our world Annie! You truly make a difference in people’s lives.